exercise in desire
francesca kritikos
art by felicity tse
The history of my family
is littered with madwomen
who stare back at me
in the mirror
more & more each day
I want to peel back the paint
on every portrait
of every woman
I want the truth
I want the truth
Keeper
The original murderer
was a man.
If he was in prison today
he’d have three wives.
They would write him letters
in curly script & marry him
in yellowed lace.
They’d think,
He’s a keeper.
Your student, your person
I watch a documentary about Princess Diana & wish I came of age in the 90s again
I think I could be ugly & happy then / like it would always be autumn / or something
I want to hold the world in my hands / make it change for me / If you love me you’ll do it
but I’m not next to the world / to time / I’m in it / I keep telling myself / reminding myself
there’s no going back / & when the bombs come / there will be nowhere to hide
I’m on ghost mode on Snapchat / I’m married to my false prophets / who love me very much
I’m deleting emails / I’m keeping my head down when I walk / hiding my ugliness
I don’t get tattoos / I will be Jane Doe in the morgue / Anonymity as fantasy
No one will know where I am / when the bombs have come to stay / but until then
I’m not free of it / of anything / I’m your student, your person / I keep telling myself
I keep telling the world / take me / I’m yours
Exercise in desire
I want the weather
to make me cry again
I want every stranger
to twist themselves like roots
for me
& I want to turn away
from everyone
& when I face them again
I want to be someone else
I want to eat, eat, eat
my bones
so no one can fill me
but me
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